He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
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our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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