Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
