your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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