she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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