I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
