saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
