remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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