I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Also, beer. Big fan.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
