If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
