Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
