well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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