I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
