someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
