Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He? As in you personified your dick?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
