That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Damn victory sex feels great
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
