hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
