bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
