i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize