i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
