Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
