i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
