I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize