I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I would fuck him just for his dog
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
