I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
