shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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