my phone needs a breathalizer
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
