just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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