I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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