well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Randomize
