Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
