so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
