I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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