glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
