I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
