I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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