Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Operation Purity has been aborted
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
