perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
