she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
