party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
