he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
