Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
operation have a gay friend backfired
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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