don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
