Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
