he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Houston, we have a blender
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
