the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
