Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
