Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
