woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
