so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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