She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
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