just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
