Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
