Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
