1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
