There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
