I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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