I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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