yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
