I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
