He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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