Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
