so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
