Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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