his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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