We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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