why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
