My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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