I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
