I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I could fuck to npr.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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