The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
