I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
