its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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