your thong is hanging out like whoa
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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