oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
