I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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