no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
